Forgetting things

I have no memory of my dream last night. I know that I dreamed because when I woke up, I remembered vague things, but now I can't recall anything. It was either incredibly dull, so my brain didn't bothered remembering it, or, that it was so intensely horrific that I'm now suffering from dissociative amnesia. Hmm. I'm happy that I don't speak my thoughts, every so often I look at the tv at work and at the moment, there's a cookery show on. The chef is a particularly attractive lady and I can't help but think things like 'Oohh she can lick my sauce' and 'I'd like to rub her with salted butter and beef dripping'. She was pretty. I don't know her name but she's half Italian and Welsh. Hmm, I can't figure out whether I find Nicki Minaj attractive, I guess she is, but then she looks a bit weird. I'm going to err on the side of caution and say yes, yes she is attractive. So, if I met her at a party and she started dancing while looking at me, I'd think hmm, well that's odd, I guess she's pretty, but does she expect me to start dancing with her? Oh God, I hope not. Oh Christ, this is awkward, she's looking right at me. What do I do? Errr, try smiling awkwardly, this is not enjoyable, oh shit, she's dancing towards me now, ok make your mind up - attractive or not, ahhh yeah I guess so. Then, if she asked me for my number (I'd have to ask her to text me rather than call me), I'd probably say that it would be best to get in contact via email. If she was particularly forward and wanted to come home with me, I'd have to reply 'Well, the thing is, I live quite far away so I guess your place would be better, but would you want to wait a while because I'm enjoying just standing around here and I'm not entirely sure if I like your company to be honest'. I guess this is why I'm not renowned for being a ladies man.

Training and improving

This video is crazy. Nacho (that is his name) is a pocket Hercules. I've been training a fair bit in the last 3 months but I don't feel I've improved at climbing other than regain some strength that I lost from not training and climbing for a while. I've decided to focus on finger strength, particularly on how I grip holds out on real rock - it's all about the closed hand half crimp grip. If you can get strong enough to hang one handed with that, then you're in good stead to crush some hard problems. At the moment, I'm not adding any extra weight to myself like Nacho, just either pinching the door frames or a rope. I'm doing a lot of arm/shoulder work in the form of one armed chin ups and reverse arm curls. I do front lever and leg raises for my core. This is really boring and I don't know why I'm writing it. I think I decided to write it because I'm bored and I don't have anything else to write about. I guess I can write about the time I saw the skin on my stomach (abdomen) hanging off. I was frying an egg and I (naively) let my sister fill the frying pan with oil. She put a lot in there, and it was more like deep frying than shallow frying. I even queried this with her, but her reply was along the lines of 'Quit being a bitch'. Hmm. I guess at the time I thought hmm, well I'm guess you're right, I am being overly cautious. I continued frying and the inevitable happened. Armed men burst in the kitchen and I had to defend myself. I flung the frying pan at them, sending boiling oil straight into their faces. AAAAHHHH!! They screamed and opened fire. I dived behind my sister, who bravely caught the bullets and fell to the ground dead. I rolled her corpse off me and leaped towards the first assassin (I assume they were assassins), he fired wildly, hoping he'd get me with a stray bullet. He didn't. Whilst leaping, I grabbed a pen from the table, and stabbed it into his eye, killing him. Ok, I'm stopping this now, this have got weird and I have got all carried away. Alas, armed men didn't burst into my kitchen on a Sunday morning. What actually happened was that I continued frying, and flipped over the egg and at that moment the clown from IT burst into the kitchen and tried to rape me. Damn it. Now I have the clown from IT in my mind, and I fucking hate that thing. I hate clowns. I think I hate clowns because of that film. EEWAAHH fuck that noise.

I'm going to keep writing about my frying anecdote because I want to stop thinking about clowns and in particular, clown rape. That would be horrible. So, I was frying this egg and then I flipped it over. Due to the abundance of oil, some splashed on my hand which was holding the handle. I screamed (something like AAAGGHHH!!), and annoyingly my reflex action made me smash my injured hand into the frying pan, which flipped over onto me. All the oil went straight down my belly. AAAAGGGHHHH!! Yeah, that hurt. It's hard to describe pain, but suffice to say, boiling oil on ones belly is painful. It's probably the single most painful thing I've experienced. I remember just standing there in agony and my sister grabbed my hurt hand and put it under the tap, she did not know that I had hurt my stomach. With my other hand I lifted up my t shirt. This is horrible to write, but a large part of my stomach was red raw, I looked down at where the burn had stopped and saw the hanging skin. The oil had sheared off my skin and it was hanging down. I rushed up the stairs and saw my mum, and stood in front her. She shouted 'SHIT!', or something along those lines and made me stand in the shower and sprayed cold water over the burn. I was in utter shock and in a lot of agony. We put cling film and frozen peas on the burn and then, rather than call an ambulance, my mum drove me to hospital herself. In hospital, they gave me morphine and I just kept asking for more. When I started losing consciousness they realised that I had had too much.  I was ok though. Morphine is pretty amazing, I understand now why people get addicted to it. I've got quite used to pain since then.

Health

There's a board game called Pucket which is really fun. Jez and I played it a lot at the End of the Road festival, it's a bit hard to describe, but it's a wooden board with two strings of elastics on either side and you're meant to flick a puck through a gate in the middle of the board. Christ, it's mentally taxing trying to describe it so I'm going to give up. I've lost track on what I was going to talk about. Pucket is really fun, I recommend to anyone reading this that they check it out on youtube. Since no one goes on my blog except myself and Russian porn websites (bizarrely), I'm not really helping the company that make Pucket. Oh well, small things. End of the Road! Yes, I went there a few weeks ago. It was amazing fun. This year I went with: Jez, Katie, Ben, Ali, Jon and Jon. It was probably the best year, probably because of discovering Pucket. I had seen it at the previous years but never played because we were always in a massive gang and this year, Jez and me wandered around a lot, together. Not in a gay way. This year was a mix of emotions when it came to love, because Lady Rotisserie wasn't there, but she was replaced by Mademoiselle Crepe. Oh my, she was essentially perfect. It was basically love at first sight. Well, not really first sight, I saw her making the crepes and thought oh she's quite pretty. Then she made me a crepe (not for free, £3.50) and after taking the first bite, I remember looking up at her and thinking oh wow, you're amazing. That's when I fell in love. After 3 more crepes (spread over a day and an half), I mustered up the courage to speak to her, but due to my social awkwardness/dyslexia/shyness whatever, all I could think of was to say 'Where are you from?'. She replied 'I'm from Brittany'. My first thought was Bollocks, abort Will. But I persevered, however, my speaking part of my brain didn't - struggling to think of any miniscule thing I knew about Brittany, I failed and said 'Thaaaa thhhaaaat's a nice place'. Shit, well that's fucked, good one, well at least you tried. Still wanting to fight this because the loss of Lady Rotiserrie was still in my thoughts, I said 'I want to learn French'. She was still smiling whilst making my crepe but I think that was more due to politeness, she was probably thinking this guy is actually mental, sacrebleu, celine dion blah blah un deux trois. My grasp of French is rather weak. While I was taught it at school, I wasn't the most studious of pupils and spent most of the time just chatting to my mate about shit. Not literally shit, as in defecation, but just random stuff. Our teacher was a weak willed replacement teacher who could not control us. In fact, I think we drove her to have a mental breakdown. Anyway, back to my End of the Road romance, after saying that I wanted to learn French, I said 'Ok, can I order in French? I'm actually in love with you'. Oh yes, I remember! I hadn't even ordered my crepe by this point, she was making one for someone else! She replied 'Ah oui!'. I replied 'Great', my brain quickly popped up Will, what the fuck, you haven't given me time to prepare, you haven't spoken French in 5 years, oh shit you're saying it Bonjour, je voudrais un crepe sil vous plait', she replied asking what I want on it - I wanted butter and sugar, two words which I don't know in French... She helped me out with that. She then handed it to me and said 'Bon appetite!'. I replied 'Merci, I love you, au revoir!'. I walked off thinking ok, well that went as well as could be expected - you have a crepe and you can speak basic French, well done. Then I walked over to the guys and told them of my success, I spent the rest of the time in the eating area just looking wishfully over at the crepe girl. Which in hindsight, could be seen as creepy.

This is Pucket, it's really fun.

Here are a few nice songs - Corvette Cassette by Slow Magic

A Shell in the Pit, this guy is pretty good too.

I've been re-listening to Forest Swords lately, the EP Dagger Paths is amazing.

 This is funny.

More zombies

I had one of the weirdest dreams of my life last night. It was like a movie. The first thing I remember was sitting in a room with other people (who I don't recognise, but knew in my dream) and then being invited to sit in a row of seats in an elevated simulator device. Then the guide announced that we were part of a zombie experience and were then each given a weapon (in order to defend ourselves). My weapon was a bizarre knife thing, that was very awkward to use and kept changing size and ergonomics each time I looked at it (actually, everything shifts around in my dream, nothing stays the same for very long). Then the zombies appeared. They were a mixture of the slow moving ones from the 1960s films and the more recent 28 Days Later, fast moving ones. They attacked us where we were sitting and I knew (from experience with dealing with zombies) that only beheading would be effective.  I killed one with my knife thing, but then I lost it. Somehow our simulator shifted into a train and we made a run for it down the carriage. After trying to evade them for a while on the train, I went through a door and somehow ended up at a manor house. Still lacking a weapon, I hide and then tried to escape by getting onto the roof. Unfortunately, a zombie was there waiting for me. It was like my brain was conspiring to get me killed. Desperation took hold and I had no choice but to fight the zombie with what ever I could find. I resorted to flinging roof tiles at it. I did a fair bit of damage to it, but alas did not kill it. Hmm. I have forgotten what happened next. I should have really written this down as soon as I woke up, but I got distracted and forgot. It was really vivid and my first reaction when I awoke was 'That was mental'. Zombie/apocalyptic dreams seem to be a recurring theme at the moment. Weird. I had another dream a while ago wherein I was trying to find a refuge after the apocalypse had hit the world. I was in a large horse van with my friend, driving through woodlands. I was sitting (in hindsight, rather dangerously) on top of the van and I turned around and saw another van approach. It was driven by cannibals (obviously), who wanted to kill and eat us. We started driving erratically to evade them and somehow we did. We then found the refuge and there I met my flatmates, Nick and Kat. I was concerned for the safety of my brother, and so I texted him using my new camera (which bizarrely had the ability to send texts). He was safe in Paris. I was then called to a big meeting and we all crammed ourselves in this meeting hall. I was sitting next to Kat. Another member of the meeting asked a question and Kat decided to reply using a limerick. Instead of just saying it, she decided to sing it. In front of everyone. It was weird. I then woke up and thought 'What the fuck is wrong with me?'.

Dreams are weird.

The weekend

I really like YouTube, it's amazing. The videos crack me up, I think I could spend at least 2 hours just watching the videos. I made some videos too but no one watches them. Well, some do (one video of mine has over 500 views).

I can't really remember when I last wrote on my blog because after looking at these amazingly funny videos, I thought Oh damn, I can write about how funny these videos are on my blog, and then rushed to my blog and started typing. I'm still typing. It's like my internal thoughts are linked to my fingers, which I guess is essentially true. Ah crap, I keep on losing my train of thought.

Here's a fun music video

On Saturday I went to my friend's birthday in London. Her name is Claire and I've known her for 9 years, I met her at uni. A lot of other uni friends were there too. I had a couple of Jagerbombs, which are delicious. They are the best tasty shot things ever. Much nicer than Tequilia or those spirits. I also had a cider and some sort of vodka/apple juice mixer. That didn't taste nice. Hik and Miena bought us a huge ice filled jug which was also filled with bottles of Grey Goose vodka and numerous mixers (such as apple juice). There was a sparkling firework on the top of it too. I thought that was a nice feature. The place we went too was rather busy, uncomfortably so, and there was a weird little girl running around who tried to dance with Jez and myself. She was probably about 4ft. Like a little goblin. So her and the whole busy environment made me want to leave. Which I did. Jez, Matt and I went back to Katies and soon everyone else arrived. We sat around and Jez and I rapped about Matt eating corn from toilets. This is because of something he did while at last years End of the Road festival. He ate a lot of the corn on the cob that was sold there, and described to us, in detail, as to what it was doing to his digestive system. Suffice to say, living on exclusively a diet of corn on the cob doesn't do ones bowls any good. It was happening to me too (the corn on the cob was delicious), but I had the social grace not to chat about it. Anyway, whenever he went to the porta loo, he would come back and give us a breakdown of how the experience went. Unfortunately for Matt, Nick Harvey was there and he enjoys bullying people. Also so was Nick Ripper, Alex Hayward, Jez and myself and Katie. We went to town on him. By the end of the vocal bullying session we were calling him 'Plopchomper' and 'Corny nimbler' and asking him whether he likes to have a little nimble of the partially digested corn in the loo and whether he waits for other people to go in before he gets his fill. Haha it makes me chuckle thinking about it (us making fun of him, not him nimbling poo covered corn).

Here are some of the videos I've been watching

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_v12D0-bWw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogEtfIdgjpY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLcvCH1h1qk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32FB-gYr49Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgFglYlx_cI&feature

Here are some photos of the weekend too

Here's some people I know

I don't know her, but she's the lady who brought the expensive drinks to our table

This is unrelated to the weekend, I did a quiz online and did very well indeed - I was proud enough to take a photo

Here's Claire holding her birthday firework

Another email.

I was going to copy and paste an email I received from some girl called Adriana, but I've just skimmed through it and it's really long. I haven't counted but I'm sure that it approaches 700 words in length. That's excessive. Here's a few paragraphs...

BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been
tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of
garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been? 

In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit 
on facebook and then I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what... 
I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me 
and my bf broke up about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? 
RIGHT EFFING NEAR U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know 
there.. well 3 cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..


I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted 
to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping 
this email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore 
i get there.. maybe even help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? 
i cudnt find ui was soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show 
me the town and take me out so u better be around bebe...


we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i 
wanted to get ot know u better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were 
cute too but cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about 
me.. well im 23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for
drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named
BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but
every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all
that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..

Hmm, firstly I must stress that I don't know this person (even though she appears to know me). Secondly, from the 1st line you can realise that she's a retard. i. Your. Email. She really needs to either work on her diction or at least proof read her message before she hits send. And then she blames her tardy ability to send emails on her laptop, which doesn't really seem right since even the most basic of laptops have the technology required to write emails. I guess that perhaps it may have a virus or perhaps it has no free memory (which doesn't particularly surprise me considering how much porn she claims to watch - streaming videos requires a good amount of processing power and internet bandwidth). She then goes into how I know her from Facebook (I don't) and that she thinks I deleted her (I didn't, but would have done). Considering that she thinks that I deleted her, she still goes on to try to meet up with me. In most people, if one gets deleted from another persons Facebook, then that's a strong hint that the said person doesn't like them. Yet it seems Adriana is oblivous to that, perhaps she's actually mental. Hmm. She claims that we've chatted a couple of times (we haven't), and that she's named her cat 'Boo'. That's a dumb name. So she's 23, has a crappy laptop, likes watching porn, and has a cat named Boo. Hmm but she did say I was cute, and since I'm very receptive to flattery, perhaps she's not all bad.

Time

I think it's been about a month since I last wrote something on my blog. Since I'm the only person who actually reads it regularly (I like to laugh at my interesting life experiences), and that I don't particularly like writing a post for the stake of it, I feel that I'm justified in going long stretches of time between posts. I've just eating a huge lasagne from the work canteen (plus garlic bread) so I feel rather full up. Many people say that it's perfectly acceptable, in fact it's better for you, to stop eating when you're full, rather than just keeping on eating. I don't subscribe to that. When I have food in front of me, I have entered an obligation to eat every scrap, even if eating all of it would make me feel ill for hours after. I don't really like seeing food go to waste. I really like eating too. Fortunately, I'm rather wiry, so my eating habits don't affect my weight. I do feel sick though.

I have done quite a few things since I last wrote on the blog.

• I've watched this video
• And this one
• I went to see Liam and Ben's gig in London, that was really fun.
• Alex and I went to the Field Day Festival. Fortunately, he didn't vomit bile and so wasn't ejected. 
• At Field Day Festival, I saw one of my favourite bands - Tortoise - they played this song. Please.
• Went to the Comedy Store in London for Jez's birthday and then to a cocktail bar. There was a pretty girl there, well I thought she was pretty, but then she stood up and she must have been close to 7ft in height. In fact, a lot of the women there were larger than average. By that, I don't mean that they were fat, but that they were giants, and so were rather physically imposing. The music in the cocktail bar was being played at an excessively loud volume and it made me have to shout into someones ear, and visa versa. That made me uncomfortable. I don't understand why it needs to be that loud. It was one of those situations where the phrase 'I can barely hear myself think' would have been apt, and wouldn't be classed as hyperbole.