True Stories, Pt. 2

Jon asked me to give him ideas for a training video which he can show off to 'people who are just starting their climbing careers'. I told him 'Jon, you're emailing the right person, I used to work in TV, plus, I already have an idea.'

Here's my pitch -

It starts at a climbing centre (probably Westway because they let you get in for free, because of your British Bouldering Team fraud). A few shots of various climbers failing on easy things, to give the viewer the impression that help is needed. HELP WILL SOON BE AT HAND. 

A medium shot of you standing in a climbing centre, climbers walk past you, looking at you and then continuing on their journey.

'Hi I'm Jon Partridge, international rock climbing sensation. I know what you're thinking. STOP. Think again. I'm here to get you almost as good as me. Now, let's begin.' You're wearing a bright yellow t shirt (that passes the Jon Partridge t-shirt Test) which says 'The future starts with me' and very short (yet fashionable) purple shorts.

You move to some weights on the floor.

'Ok, weights. Iron. Pumping da guns. I know every word for them, and every way of lifting them. Always, and that's a JP always, lift them topless. Start with curls, the idea isn't about how many reps or sets, but on looking good.' You pick up a 3kg weight and do a few reps. 'Ok I'm done.'

You then jog (more like a mince) over to climbing wall.

'Here is it. The main feature. The climbing wall. If you want to get good at climbing, you'll need to climb this. I can climb all over this, well, huh, that's because I'm the JP. But you can't. STOP. Yes you can. I can help you. Watch me' You proceed to crush a V2. You're visibly sweating.

'Woo, I'm working up a sweet. That's good, that means you're working hard. Ok stretch out.' You do some stretches. 'Ok I'm done. Next time we'll talk about double dynoing, how to power scream when women are nearby and how to make idle chit chat with dicks. Ok, now you always end the sess with a trip to the showers. It's a great way to get clean. Beats a bath. In fact is way better for the environment. Race you!!' You jog (mince) to the showers. Slapping the bums of several climbers on the way. Loads of young male climbers proceed to follow you to the showers.

END

Well, that's my 3 minute video idea. Should be a great way to help beginners understand just what you go through during your sessions.

What you think? I'll direct, and Brown can film?

iPhone

This is an email I wrote to Jon Partridge (UK regional hero, 53rd best in the Thames Valley region etc). I raised some points that I agreed with (obviously) and I thought 'Ah I'll write a blog entry about this' and then I thought 'Hmm, actually I'll just copy and paste it from the original email because that's quicker'. Here is it. I'll interject new bits using italics.

 

Apologies for bailing last night. My mum went to Costco and I ordered some bits. I got home and watched Princess Bride. And ate popcorn. I bought 32 packets of the stuff. And 1 kilo of rump steak. When in Rome. 

Well like Costco. Bulk buying. I was going to go to see Jon and other friends but I decided 'nah' because I was really hungry and I had the flat to myself and I thought that I'd just watch Princess Bride on Kat's big 40' 3D TV. 

 

What did you do in the end? Did you see Nick Ripper? He rang me 3 times in quick succession. I don't really like people calling me. I was in the toilet the first time he called so didn't answer (it's a personal policy, sometimes I write texts but I generally never call or receive calls), and when he started calling in quick succession, I thought 'Ohh that's weird, probably important. But if it's really important then I'm sure he'll text'. Surely a text would be sufficient. I'm going to disable the call feature on my phone and put my voice mail message as 'Hi, please sum up what you want to say to me into a text'. Texting is always better. It's virtually instantaneous, it takes seconds to read, it's ok to reply curtly. To me a text message represents pure efficiency. I like texts and emails. Emails are amazing too. Or perhaps a better way would be to call once, then send a text. That way you have it in writing. From now on I'm going to make it a point that I don't receive phone calls. The only way to contact me will be using the medium of texting or emailing. I'll still receive phone calls from companies (I think they lack the infrastructure to send texts, though I do get bill reminders etc from Barclays and O2, so the situation is improving in that respect). If one of my friends calls me now, I'm going to text back saying 'Sorry for not answering the phone (I'm not sorry, I wrote that because I couldn't think of another way to start the message), what's up? Also, please reply via text. Cheers.'

Also, I'm going to get the new iPhone. It's only £80 more than the current one, but twice as much storage and more features. I'll worry about the camera later. Besides, the camera on the new iPhone is pretty good, I could always film the Hueco film using it - I doubt you'd notice any difference considering that the film is for youtube/vimeo anyway which heavily compresses the video so it looks the same as a pro film (except the depth of field will be deep and the colour levels will be restricted). I can make the film look nice using my professional editing software. F*ck you Jon, I can see your eyes rolling from here. I've made my decision. I can't go one using my current crappy phone. I need an iPhone Jon, you must understand this. Once you've used an iPhone, everything else just seems rubbish.

 

You must understand.

The camera on the iPhone will be crap, I wrote that to 'add more ammunition to my argument'. I'm still going to get a decent camera, like a Nikon D7000. But I really want an iPhone.

I have quite a few emails to Jon that I could copy and paste onto the blog.

Also, Nick Brown - this isn't that same as when I was deciding whether to buy a PS3 or go to India. I'm going to Hueco.