Friday 28 September 2012

Training and improving

This video is crazy. Nacho (that is his name) is a pocket Hercules. I've been training a fair bit in the last 3 months but I don't feel I've improved at climbing other than regain some strength that I lost from not training and climbing for a while. I've decided to focus on finger strength, particularly on how I grip holds out on real rock - it's all about the closed hand half crimp grip. If you can get strong enough to hang one handed with that, then you're in good stead to crush some hard problems. At the moment, I'm not adding any extra weight to myself like Nacho, just either pinching the door frames or a rope. I'm doing a lot of arm/shoulder work in the form of one armed chin ups and reverse arm curls. I do front lever and leg raises for my core. This is really boring and I don't know why I'm writing it. I think I decided to write it because I'm bored and I don't have anything else to write about. I guess I can write about the time I saw the skin on my stomach (abdomen) hanging off. I was frying an egg and I (naively) let my sister fill the frying pan with oil. She put a lot in there, and it was more like deep frying than shallow frying. I even queried this with her, but her reply was along the lines of 'Quit being a bitch'. Hmm. I guess at the time I thought hmm, well I'm guess you're right, I am being overly cautious. I continued frying and the inevitable happened. Armed men burst in the kitchen and I had to defend myself. I flung the frying pan at them, sending boiling oil straight into their faces. AAAAHHHH!! They screamed and opened fire. I dived behind my sister, who bravely caught the bullets and fell to the ground dead. I rolled her corpse off me and leaped towards the first assassin (I assume they were assassins), he fired wildly, hoping he'd get me with a stray bullet. He didn't. Whilst leaping, I grabbed a pen from the table, and stabbed it into his eye, killing him. Ok, I'm stopping this now, this have got weird and I have got all carried away. Alas, armed men didn't burst into my kitchen on a Sunday morning. What actually happened was that I continued frying, and flipped over the egg and at that moment the clown from IT burst into the kitchen and tried to rape me. Damn it. Now I have the clown from IT in my mind, and I fucking hate that thing. I hate clowns. I think I hate clowns because of that film. EEWAAHH fuck that noise.

I'm going to keep writing about my frying anecdote because I want to stop thinking about clowns and in particular, clown rape. That would be horrible. So, I was frying this egg and then I flipped it over. Due to the abundance of oil, some splashed on my hand which was holding the handle. I screamed (something like AAAGGHHH!!), and annoyingly my reflex action made me smash my injured hand into the frying pan, which flipped over onto me. All the oil went straight down my belly. AAAAGGGHHHH!! Yeah, that hurt. It's hard to describe pain, but suffice to say, boiling oil on ones belly is painful. It's probably the single most painful thing I've experienced. I remember just standing there in agony and my sister grabbed my hurt hand and put it under the tap, she did not know that I had hurt my stomach. With my other hand I lifted up my t shirt. This is horrible to write, but a large part of my stomach was red raw, I looked down at where the burn had stopped and saw the hanging skin. The oil had sheared off my skin and it was hanging down. I rushed up the stairs and saw my mum, and stood in front her. She shouted 'SHIT!', or something along those lines and made me stand in the shower and sprayed cold water over the burn. I was in utter shock and in a lot of agony. We put cling film and frozen peas on the burn and then, rather than call an ambulance, my mum drove me to hospital herself. In hospital, they gave me morphine and I just kept asking for more. When I started losing consciousness they realised that I had had too much.  I was ok though. Morphine is pretty amazing, I understand now why people get addicted to it. I've got quite used to pain since then.




Tuesday 18 September 2012

Health

There's a board game called Pucket which is really fun. Jez and I played it a lot at the End of the Road festival, it's a bit hard to describe, but it's a wooden board with two strings of elastics on either side and you're meant to flick a puck through a gate in the middle of the board. Christ, it's mentally taxing trying to describe it so I'm going to give up. I've lost track on what I was going to talk about. Pucket is really fun, I recommend to anyone reading this that they check it out on youtube. Since no one goes on my blog except myself and Russian porn websites (bizarrely), I'm not really helping the company that make Pucket. Oh well, small things. End of the Road! Yes, I went there a few weeks ago. It was amazing fun. This year I went with: Jez, Katie, Ben, Ali, Jon and Jon. It was probably the best year, probably because of discovering Pucket. I had seen it at the previous years but never played because we were always in a massive gang and this year, Jez and me wandered around a lot, together. Not in a gay way. This year was a mix of emotions when it came to love, because Lady Rotisserie wasn't there, but she was replaced by Mademoiselle Crepe. Oh my, she was essentially perfect. It was basically love at first sight. Well, not really first sight, I saw her making the crepes and thought oh she's quite pretty. Then she made me a crepe (not for free, £3.50) and after taking the first bite, I remember looking up at her and thinking oh wow, you're amazing. That's when I fell in love. After 3 more crepes (spread over a day and an half), I mustered up the courage to speak to her, but due to my social awkwardness/dyslexia/shyness whatever, all I could think of was to say 'Where are you from?'. She replied 'I'm from Brittany'. My first thought was Bollocks, abort Will. But I persevered, however, my speaking part of my brain didn't - struggling to think of any miniscule thing I knew about Brittany, I failed and said 'Thaaaa thhhaaaat's a nice place'. Shit, well that's fucked, good one, well at least you tried. Still wanting to fight this because the loss of Lady Rotiserrie was still in my thoughts, I said 'I want to learn French'. She was still smiling whilst making my crepe but I think that was more due to politeness, she was probably thinking this guy is actually mental, sacrebleu, celine dion blah blah un deux trois. My grasp of French is rather weak. While I was taught it at school, I wasn't the most studious of pupils and spent most of the time just chatting to my mate about shit. Not literally shit, as in defecation, but just random stuff. Our teacher was a weak willed replacement teacher who could not control us. In fact, I think we drove her to have a mental breakdown. Anyway, back to my End of the Road romance, after saying that I wanted to learn French, I said 'Ok, can I order in French? I'm actually in love with you'. Oh yes, I remember! I hadn't even ordered my crepe by this point, she was making one for someone else! She replied 'Ah oui!'. I replied 'Great', my brain quickly popped up Will, what the fuck, you haven't given me time to prepare, you haven't spoken French in 5 years, oh shit you're saying it Bonjour, je voudrais un crepe sil vous plait', she replied asking what I want on it - I wanted butter and sugar, two words which I don't know in French... She helped me out with that. She then handed it to me and said 'Bon appetite!'. I replied 'Merci, I love you, au revoir!'. I walked off thinking ok, well that went as well as could be expected - you have a crepe and you can speak basic French, well done. Then I walked over to the guys and told them of my success, I spent the rest of the time in the eating area just looking wishfully over at the crepe girl. Which in hindsight, could be seen as creepy.

This is Pucket, it's really fun.


Here are a few nice songs - Corvette Cassette by Slow Magic


A Shell in the Pit, this guy is pretty good too.


I've been re-listening to Forest Swords lately, the EP Dagger Paths is amazing.


 This is funny.