Bored

What I am doing right now:

Listening to an album by Walls called Coracle
Watching a Youtube video of American people at shooting ranges
Googling 'contemporary' because I wasn't confident that I could spell it correctly

I'm quite bored.

My Hueco trip is getting closer and my training is still plodding along nicely. I don't feel particularly strong. I guess I feel stronger than when I was 13. I guess that's mainly because when I was 13, I was suffering from a severe case of appendicitis. I almost died. I was at school and started throwing up everywhere. Then I went home (got a lift) and the doctor came round and said 'Oh right, well I dunno what's up'. Then went to hospital and they cut my abdomen open and threw my septic appendix at a bin (I actually wanted to keep it, but I was told that I couldn't because 'it was all dissolved and most of it is floating around your body, hence the near death experience'). I've forgotten why I started writing this, I guess I wanted to talk about dying. I wasn't really aware that I could have died since I have a huge amount of faith in modern medicine (hence why when my dad had a heart attack and was rushed to hospital, I was almost indifferent) and also when I was 13, I had a very nonchalant outlook on life.

When I go to Hueco, I really want to go to a shooting range. That's a big plus point about going to America. I'm interested in firing at someones feet (probably Jon's) and forcing him to dance around (like in Back to the Future III). Hmm, I doubt the owners of the range would allow that though. Probably a big risk of a ricochet or perhaps young kids will see me do it and so try to emulate it at home, even though they lack the required hand eye co-ordination which I have in abundance.

Music

I like listening to music and also finding new music. It's almost a hobby. I guess I enjoy listening to music so much due to my exceptional (and bordering on superhuman) sense of hearing. I can probably hear parts of the song that only dogs can hear ( I did try and make my old dog (dead) listen to some music using headphones but it was a disaster (deaf)). I jest, she didn't go deaf straight away but she did display absolutely no interest in the music. She did later become deaf and then died. No idea what killed her, but we found her dead on the sofa in the morning and I had to dig a hole for her. It was really cold and the ground in the garden was hard, but fortunately I was working as a hod carrier at the time so I was deceptively strong and had a high endurance for physical labour. I dug a little hole for her, then wrapped her up in her favourite (her only) towel, struggling somewhat to contain the huge amount of crap that had dribbled out of her due to her now non-functional anal sphincter muscles. A bit dribbled onto the carpet. I then walked outside and tried to delicately plonk her into the grave. This is where I realised that when I dug her grave, I choose the proportions based on her sleeping naturally, all curled up. She probably did sleep like that on the night she died, but by the morning, the effects of rigor mortis had kicked in and now she was all stretched out. I had to carefully 'bend' her to fit into the ill fitting grave, so she took on a U shape. I then had to 'force' her legs to fit further into the grave, Megan had some surprising strength even in death! Suffice to say, she did eventually 'fit'. I then refilled the grave and ate breakfast and then went to work. I'm not exactly sure why I just wrote that.

Here is some music I have been listening too:
Delicate Steve
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N26gNghLDpU&feature=related
Reflecting Skin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6zdj5nazkQ
Three Trapped Tigers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZublJ5TLb8Y
Frank Fairfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz70zSfVcdY
Washed Out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fYnfE5Cycg
War on Drugs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMToQg0vSds
Russian Circles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2-hJtJrXxc
Adebisi Shank
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXxhKMmJLtk
Minus Baby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R9Vh9BD7ro&feature=related
Emeralds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDw6tUiTfkE
Dels
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjAnmqecMKI

Photos

I like taking photos and here are some photos I have taken. Nick used to be really strong and good at rock climbing. He doesn't really climb anymore. I still do, but kind of getting annoyed with it so might stop. My fingers hurt too.

Nick doing the gardening

Nick sizing up Jack the Chipper in Magic wood

Nick grabbing the final jug on Hohenrausch in Magic Wood

 Some random couple having their photo taken on their wedding day

End of the Road revisited.

I thought that I'd should write a bit more about EotR since it was a good festival. There was a good mix of music and a nice 'scene', while there was more people this year, it didn't really feel to over crowded. The food was amazing, my favourite was the crepe places and also the rotisserie chicken food place.

I fell in love with the young lady who served the chicken (I called her Lady Rotisserie). I saw her away from the chicken counter and thought hmm, I should say something to her. But then decided not to because she seemed busy. Then on the final night, we were all walking to see Joanna Newsom and while walking past I told everyone 'Now is the time to talk to her!'. Alex told me 'Don't do it, you'll make her awkward and you'll embarrass yourself'. I thought hmm no I won't, I'll be ok, my brain will think of something. We got to the crowd and I suddenly turned around and said 'I'm doing it'. I walked up to the chicken counter and saw that the Lady was cleaning, she was alone and wasn't serving anyone. PERFECT! I finally got to the counter. And that's when I forgot how to speak (while I mentally planned the walking up bit in minute detail, I didn't apply the same attention to the speaking part (some would say the most important part)). She looked up and saw me just standing there, kind of staring at her and also looking around, fidgeting. Then she started staring at me in return (probably thinking why is this handsome person starring at me?. I mumbled 'Errr, Heeeeelllo, I really like your chicken'. She replied 'Great, thanks'. I was really struggling now. 'Heh, er how do you make it?'. She was obviously getting weirded out by now since she had gone back to her cleaning 'I dunno, we just season it and cook it'. My brain was going mental. 'Do you get a chance to watch the bands?', I thought good Will, that's better. She perks up, 'Yeah I'm looking forward to seeing Joanna Newsom'. While most people would capitalise on this, my brain was still having a mild panic attack. I didn't capitalise. 'Oh wow, yeah she's good'. Wondering where she lives (for some reason I thought I could take her climbing), I said 'Where you guys based?' (I thought it would be rude (and weird) to ask her straight away 'Where do you live?'). She replied 'Well, The companies from Shrewsbury, but I'm from Manchester'. This is where it went downhill. Realising that I could no longer effectively court her, since we're so far apart, my brain goes into abort mode. I struggled to think of something to say. I have poor knowledge of Manchester except that it's relatively close to the Peak and there's climbing centres there (I must add that while thinking about Manchester, I was just standing there, starring right her her with a blank look on my face). All of which didn't help my reply. 'Oh Great, er, there's good climbing in Manchester'. Oh god, why did you say that? She replied 'Ah right, climbing'. My brain was thinking Game Over by this point, no use it saving it, best head off and get a crepe, ah yes a crepe, those things are delicious, which one should I get? Obviously a banana, sugar and butter one. Yes, it's decided, I'll get a crepe. Realising that I was still staring at the girl with a weird vacant expression on my face due to thinking intensely about crepes, I lurched back to reality. I said 'Cool, have fun at Joanna Newsom, I'm going to get a crepe. Cheerio!'. Walking off, I thought to myself Ahh that went well. Hmm, I've got more confident since then.

She was very pretty and worked for the Roaming Rotiserrie company, if anyone knows her, can they tell her that I'm really not that weird.

This was the campsite when we arrived at the 2009 festival, the 2011 one was busy

This is Neko Case

This is Explosions in the Sky

True Stories, Pt. 2

Jon asked me to give him ideas for a training video which he can show off to 'people who are just starting their climbing careers'. I told him 'Jon, you're emailing the right person, I used to work in TV, plus, I already have an idea.'

Here's my pitch -

It starts at a climbing centre (probably Westway because they let you get in for free, because of your British Bouldering Team fraud). A few shots of various climbers failing on easy things, to give the viewer the impression that help is needed. HELP WILL SOON BE AT HAND. 

A medium shot of you standing in a climbing centre, climbers walk past you, looking at you and then continuing on their journey.

'Hi I'm Jon Partridge, international rock climbing sensation. I know what you're thinking. STOP. Think again. I'm here to get you almost as good as me. Now, let's begin.' You're wearing a bright yellow t shirt (that passes the Jon Partridge t-shirt Test) which says 'The future starts with me' and very short (yet fashionable) purple shorts.

You move to some weights on the floor.

'Ok, weights. Iron. Pumping da guns. I know every word for them, and every way of lifting them. Always, and that's a JP always, lift them topless. Start with curls, the idea isn't about how many reps or sets, but on looking good.' You pick up a 3kg weight and do a few reps. 'Ok I'm done.'

You then jog (more like a mince) over to climbing wall.

'Here is it. The main feature. The climbing wall. If you want to get good at climbing, you'll need to climb this. I can climb all over this, well, huh, that's because I'm the JP. But you can't. STOP. Yes you can. I can help you. Watch me' You proceed to crush a V2. You're visibly sweating.

'Woo, I'm working up a sweet. That's good, that means you're working hard. Ok stretch out.' You do some stretches. 'Ok I'm done. Next time we'll talk about double dynoing, how to power scream when women are nearby and how to make idle chit chat with dicks. Ok, now you always end the sess with a trip to the showers. It's a great way to get clean. Beats a bath. In fact is way better for the environment. Race you!!' You jog (mince) to the showers. Slapping the bums of several climbers on the way. Loads of young male climbers proceed to follow you to the showers.

END

Well, that's my 3 minute video idea. Should be a great way to help beginners understand just what you go through during your sessions.

What you think? I'll direct, and Brown can film?

True Stories, Pt. 1

Here's an email I sent Nick B some time ago. The stuff underlined is the stuff I've written today as I remember things:

I have some body armour - it's resistant against 9mm bullets and also 7.62mm armour piercing bullets (when I put in the hard plates). I know what you're thinking 'Oh wow, that's the best thing I have ever heard'. Well, you're right. I got it from work, they were throwing it out. I thought to myself daamn, if there's one thing in life that I truly need, it's body armour. Sure, I can use it as a training weights vest, but the real reason is that it's cool and I can finally live out my dream of being a vigilante who patrols the Thames Valley region (anywhere within 30 minutes commuting distance).

I thought I'd email you because I'm on my lunch break at work (eating a lovely miso soup concoction) and I have just watched a video of Japanesemen climbing in Rocklands. Grant is psyched about going too. I saw him yesterday. And Jon Partridge. That guy... I won't dwell on him. Damm this miso soup is amazing. When you get back  you can come over to my new flat (Nick Harvey and myself are moving in together, strictly platonic. Don't get me wrong, Nick is a great guy, there's just no attraction there.). Tell me about yourself and how you're getting on?

Jon wanted me to film him, to show off his 'training'. Thank god he emailed me the request, because I would have laughed in his face. I wrote him a really accurate pitch, which basically shows off exactly what he does do in a 'training session'. His attitude is getting too much now. We went to a little comp at Reading, Jon turns up wearing sunglasses and a gold jacket, followed by a huge black gentleman with a dog lead around his neck (named Lloyd), Jon was holding the other end. Some poor punter walked up to him and asked him whether he liked his new Evolves. Jon turned around with a shocked look on his pasty white face and just vomited on the kid. Like a black bile vomit. Disgusting. After vomiting, Jon had a weird sly smile with bits of sick dripping at the corners of his mouth. Fortunately, Lloyd was close at hand to lick it clean. The kid started crying and Jon just looked him up and down and whispered 'take him' to Lloyd. Heaven knows what happened to the kid.

Then later it got properly awkward, because Jon was just walking around with his bodyguard (I assume), not even wearing his climbing kit and walking up to problems saying 'done' or 'tick that one Lloyd, that's a flash'. He didn't even climb. Finally, Tom Vassen plucked up the courage to approach Jon about his behaviour, but that went poorly. Jon just stared at Tom, with that weird sickly grin he has, and then the spitting began. Everyone turned to watch and Tom just stood there, shocked, whilst Jon kept spitting. Eventually, after 4 minutes, Jon finally ran out of spittle. He face reminded me of a rabid Koala. He then turned to 'Lloyd' and whispered 'I want him'. Never saw Tom again.**

Suffice to say, I think Jon's new Moorcroft Pottery sponsorship has gone straight to his head.



** Tom was found after 2 weeks of searching. He was found gagged and bound in the women's disabled toilet. He's ok, apparently you can live with the penis as an internal organ...

The child still hasn't been found.

Sodium is an alkali metal.

Many things have happened to me since my last entry. I have spent some money on plane tickets to El Paso, USA. I have been training a lot and I have been involved in a minor car accident (not an accident). I went climbing today at Amersham and I have decided that I'm crap at climbing. It's really hard and I don't think my body is naturally strong. I used to work on a building site with my brother in law (Glenn) so I was once very strong. Hmm. I've forgotten what I was going to write about. Ah, now I've forgotten everything. Damn it. My memory is bad. Well, actually it's not that bad. I can remember being spoon fed food when I was a toddler and being taken around in a pram thing. More like my short term memory is bad.

On Saturday we (Grant, Jon, Nick Harvey and me) went to The Castle in London. I like that place, there's generally a good amount of pretty ladies to give me the required psych to climb. I hate how it only sells vegan crappy food in the cafe area. I walk up to the counter and think 'Oh sweet, a pasty!' only to find that it's 100% meat free. Piss off. Even their cola is a stupid alternative cola, I guess selling proper Coca Cola or Pepsi is too corporate for them. Ahhhh. Coca Cola is fucking delicious. It's way nicer than that other crap. If it wasn't so tasty, it wouldn't be so popular. Hmm. Vegans. Still, they do sell Mars Bars and Opal Fruits so it's not all bad. We drove to The Castle in Jon's smart, yet ostentatious Mercedes. Within 5 minutes of getting into the car, Nick H had managed to find a way to remotely cut out all the music and also make an alarm sound go off. This annoyed Jon, which is exactly what Nick wanted. I don't know why Jon does this to himself. It's like the battered wife syndrome, always coming back. Once Nick repeatedly threw Jon's climbing shoes down a hill. I guess it's bullying, if you look into the technical definition of the term. Anyway, we were driving along when we came up to traffic. Jon wasn't pleased. He had to be back by 5 in order to base the thanksgiving turkey at his friends place. I looked at him and I knew something was up. Anger. The traffic moved forward a bit. Jon drove on and then police sirens went off at the opposite road, I turned forward and saw the car keep moving into the car in front. Fortunately, Jon's crappy crash alert system went off a good 0.5 seconds before we hit, which was enough time for me to go 'SHIIIITTT JOOONNN!!'. BANG. Well, it was more of a dull thud. Jon was livid. Not only did he bump into a car with all the fault being his own, the car in front was a BMW. I'm pretty sure he thought it was a Kia or something and so assumed that they'd pull over to let him pass... I'm getting bored of writing this now, so I'll wrap it up. Jon was annoyed for the rest of the day. I had one of the worst climbing sessions of my recent climbing life. We drove back and I watched a film called The Proposition. It's about early Australia. A good film.


I think I'll write another blog thing when my brain is feeling fresher.

Being amazing

I always knew I was different, special even. People would say 'Will's such a cool person', and I'd be like 'Cheers Gary' and he'd go 'How could you hear me?'. I never knew. NOW I DO. I've just had a hearing test at work (part of the health and safety stuff) and I not only passed, I have the best hearing in the ENTIRE COMPANY. 400 people +. The guy doing the test asked me whether I cheated, I said no, he said well you couldn't anyway, this test is designed so it can't be cheated. I told him that I knew I was special. Superhuman. It's my senses. I have great eyesight, taste and smell. I'm basically like Wolverine, but without the healing, strength, claws, hirsuteness, courage, longevity and Adamantium skeleton. I need to think of a way I can use my power to save people. Maybe I'll patrol the streets of Amersham. I'll hear police sirens and rush over (probably drive) and say 'Hi, I heard your sirens from about 2 miles away, how can I help?', they'd reply 'Thank God you're here, ok, we have 4 really hot ladies trapped in that burning building, use your heightened senses to get them out. Dammit. Ahhh fire, hurry, it's get hotter'. 'Ok, I'll do what I can'. I'll then proceed to rescue them. Hmm. While that sounds fun, mostly likely I'd be watching TV and hear the sirens and think ahh fuck that, Frozen Planet is on. Still, it's the thought that counts. I'd have to wear a mask or something. Actually, thinking about it, if they said about rescuing the ladies from a burning building, I'd have to decline. Firstly, the smoke and heat would ruin my sense of smell and secondly, that's pretty dangerous and I lack even the most basic fire fighting equipment.

Training and things

Nick Brown said to me 'Oi Will, if your blog was more about climbing and training than your life, as intensely interesting and engaging as it is, then I'd probably put it on my site'. That got me thinking. Fame. Power. Women. Hmm. Yes, I shall make my blog about my training for Hueco (my upcoming bouldering trip). Please read -

Tonight I'm going to do some weighted chin ups, press ups and core training in order to strengthen my large muscle groups and so get as strong and vascular as Grant Bateman. My god. He's an example of a man. Once he told me a story about this guy who was walking along Chesham's Berkhamsted Road, opposite Mighty Bite, when suddenly a man popped out from nowhere and tried to 'start something'. The guy (Len) immediately faced his enemy and prepared for an engagement. The man (who happened to be of Asian decent, I mean like from Pakistan or Indian rather than Asian in the sense of Orientals, I've made that mistake a lot on US porn websites) some how secreted an empty Pot Noodle cup and used it as a horn. BOOOORRRRRRR. Len looked at the guy with a surprised look (Grant didn't tell me that part, I'm assuming) and was soon faced with loads of other Asian men, some of whom were coming out of dust bins and things (I'm sure Grant told me this part). Then Len ran off, or got beaten up. Probably the later. Hmm. I thought I remembered that story better than I actually did. Still, you get the general gist. I was more struck by the Pot Noodle horn, I wondered exactly how the chap managed to turn it into a horn. Perhaps I'll try tonight.

It's time to go home now so I'll finish it later.

I have just remembered that I was going to return to continue writing this blog thing. After arriving at home I didn't try to make a pot noodle horn (didn't have any at home), in fact by that time I had forgotten that I was going to do that. I can't actually remember what I did that night. I think I went climbing. Hmm. I went training last night. I was going to do a big beastmaker repeater encore/1 arm hang sess. But I tired myself out warming up because there was a pretty girl there so I went into show off mode and got tired. I rested for a bit and then started the one armed hangs on the medium campus rangs. Then by arm really hurt (apparently from over training). Because both arms hurt by that point, I generally just dossed around, doing the occasional repeater and one armed hang. Jen Wilby told me that I should go home but I thought that would be admitting defeat. Then Keiran came over and we started doing feats of strength on the beastmaker. I can now do 3 mono chin ups using my middle fingers, 10 second hangs on the 45 degree slopers and 7 second half crimp hangs with my left arm on a medium campus rung (with 3.25 kg assistance). My right arm was shot to pieces due to one armed chin ups and general fatigue. It's a bit weird how my right fingers are weaker than my left since I'm right handed. I think I need to rest for a bit in order for my arm fatigue to subside and also start training arm power and also deep locks. Also, I've started doing repeaters while holding a 5kg weight between my feet. Pure core AND arms.

iPhone

This is an email I wrote to Jon Partridge (UK regional hero, 53rd best in the Thames Valley region etc). I raised some points that I agreed with (obviously) and I thought 'Ah I'll write a blog entry about this' and then I thought 'Hmm, actually I'll just copy and paste it from the original email because that's quicker'. Here is it. I'll interject new bits using italics.

 

Apologies for bailing last night. My mum went to Costco and I ordered some bits. I got home and watched Princess Bride. And ate popcorn. I bought 32 packets of the stuff. And 1 kilo of rump steak. When in Rome. 

Well like Costco. Bulk buying. I was going to go to see Jon and other friends but I decided 'nah' because I was really hungry and I had the flat to myself and I thought that I'd just watch Princess Bride on Kat's big 40' 3D TV. 

 

What did you do in the end? Did you see Nick Ripper? He rang me 3 times in quick succession. I don't really like people calling me. I was in the toilet the first time he called so didn't answer (it's a personal policy, sometimes I write texts but I generally never call or receive calls), and when he started calling in quick succession, I thought 'Ohh that's weird, probably important. But if it's really important then I'm sure he'll text'. Surely a text would be sufficient. I'm going to disable the call feature on my phone and put my voice mail message as 'Hi, please sum up what you want to say to me into a text'. Texting is always better. It's virtually instantaneous, it takes seconds to read, it's ok to reply curtly. To me a text message represents pure efficiency. I like texts and emails. Emails are amazing too. Or perhaps a better way would be to call once, then send a text. That way you have it in writing. From now on I'm going to make it a point that I don't receive phone calls. The only way to contact me will be using the medium of texting or emailing. I'll still receive phone calls from companies (I think they lack the infrastructure to send texts, though I do get bill reminders etc from Barclays and O2, so the situation is improving in that respect). If one of my friends calls me now, I'm going to text back saying 'Sorry for not answering the phone (I'm not sorry, I wrote that because I couldn't think of another way to start the message), what's up? Also, please reply via text. Cheers.'

Also, I'm going to get the new iPhone. It's only £80 more than the current one, but twice as much storage and more features. I'll worry about the camera later. Besides, the camera on the new iPhone is pretty good, I could always film the Hueco film using it - I doubt you'd notice any difference considering that the film is for youtube/vimeo anyway which heavily compresses the video so it looks the same as a pro film (except the depth of field will be deep and the colour levels will be restricted). I can make the film look nice using my professional editing software. F*ck you Jon, I can see your eyes rolling from here. I've made my decision. I can't go one using my current crappy phone. I need an iPhone Jon, you must understand this. Once you've used an iPhone, everything else just seems rubbish.

 

You must understand.

The camera on the iPhone will be crap, I wrote that to 'add more ammunition to my argument'. I'm still going to get a decent camera, like a Nikon D7000. But I really want an iPhone.

I have quite a few emails to Jon that I could copy and paste onto the blog.

Also, Nick Brown - this isn't that same as when I was deciding whether to buy a PS3 or go to India. I'm going to Hueco.

Skills

I have been training for a climbing holiday in Hueco, Texas for the past few months now. Today I feel shattered. Had a climb at Reading yesterday and I felt bad there too. I think my body is destroying itself. The day before yesterday (Wednesday) I went to the Climb in Amersham and had a woody board/campus board session. That felt good, I felt like I was getting stronger. Then I went home and hanged out with Nick and Kat for a bit. Then they went to bed and I went to my room. I knew what I had to do. I had to regulate. It had been weeks since I last killed people in a virtual environment. I remember a kid at school saying to me 'You know Will, everyone has a talent, God gives us these gifts. Look, you have a talent at throwing'. Hmm, that's true I am amazing at throwing but I wasn't satisfied by that. Anyone can throw. I needed something more substantial. I no longer believe in a deity (stopped believing in my pre-teens). Hmm. I was going to build this up into something interesting but I've lost my train of thought because my colleague has just asked me if I knew where some labels were and after helping her out, I am now lost in a blizzard of thoughts. Basically what I was trying to build up to was that I have a talent at FPS console games. Like Call of Duty and Battlefield Bad Company 2. I mean, I'm seriously good. I worked out that my equivalent bouldering grade would be about 8B, maybe 8B+, definitely 8B base level. I don't even play that much anymore. Ahh yes, that's the reason why I'm writing this, I was training and then I went home and played a bit of Battlefield. I jumped into a game, armed myself with the M1 Garand to instantly handicap myself (it's an 8 shot WWII era rifle, when everyone else uses modern assault rifles with optics). Kill after kill, I was dominating. So amazing. I killed this sniper who was trying to bitch me, but I bitched him. I ran off and saw 4 snipers on a hill in the distance. I ran back to where I slaughtered the other sniper and picked up his rifle. I aimed at the snipers on the hill. 4 shots, 4 deaths. Spectacular. I won the game and the next 3 games. I was well chuffed. Especially after not playing for ages. It's nice to have a talent*.

Also, going up to Sheffield this weekend, should be nice to see other people.


*Well five if I include: my fighting ability, singing, wit and being deceptively strong. Unfortunately, I never use my fighting skills much since another talent I have is to have panic attacks. Hmm, not really panic attacks as such, maybe more 'getting scared' moments. Hmm. I haven't actually been in a situation where I would even have to punch someone. I guess it's due to my charming nature. Plus, I don't think having panic attacks would classify as a talent, it's probably more of a hindrance if anything.

Australia

My work colleague has brought in her friend's Australian kid who's about 9 (she's looking after him for a while) and I tried to help him settle in by saying 'Alright little tigger, you wan' me to fire up the barbie?'. He looked really shocked and kind of scared. Realising that I was scaring him I tried to reassure him by saying 'Australia is a really interesting country, it's full of amazing but deadly creatures like the Sydney Funnel Web Spider, that can kill a child in a bite!!', then my colleague asks him where he lives in Australia. He replies 'Sydney'. The room goes silent. Then after a while I said 'Cool, also out of the 10 deadliest snakes in the world, 8 are from Australia! Isn't that cool'. He didn't reply. I then turned to my other colleague and whispered 'Tough crowd'. Turned out the kid hates living in Australia.

Film ideas

I have just returned from a trip to Tescos Metro. I went there to get some white chocolate cookies but annoyingly they didn't have any. Realising that I had driven all that way for nothing, I wandered around the store trying to think of something to buy. I settled on a pack on Starbusts, 5 ring donuts and some chewing gum. I'm now sitting at my desk writing this, whilst also watching a youtube video of would-be officers at West Point Military Academy. In one scene, they're all sitting in some sort of speech day style thing, like a school assembly. I then started thinking about wouldn't it be annoying if you're sitting there with everyone when you feel the need to do a poo. That would be so awkward because you'd have to stand up, in front of everyone, and try and discretely walk off. I wonder if you'd be allowed to go. Hmm probably not, maybe because it's 'macho' to hold your poo in. I don't know. I always wondered about that. Do the military give training about resisting the need to use the loo? I guess so, because you see those soldiers outside Buckingham Palace just standing there and I doubt that they'd be allowed to go off to use the loo. That would be a good idea for a film - a hardcore ex-delta force soldier who has a persistent bladder infection. The film would be about him (Larry) trying to fight terrorists whilst also having to deal with the bladder infection. In one scene, all of the CIA chiefs are being briefed about a situation when one turns about and says 'Where's Larry?', another would reply 'Oh, he's just nipped out to the loo again'. And if he's in combat with his team, under fire, and he just shouts out 'Oh crap, I need a wee' and his team mates (who'd know of his condition) would go 'Ok, you go and we'll cover you' and he'd be like 'Ah, it's really painful and nothing's coming out, all this gunfire is ruining my concentration too, aahhhhh damn this persistent bladder infection'. Not sure how the film would end, maybe with him finally going to the doctors and getting the suitable antibiotics. And then in a post credits scene, you'd see him at a mate's bbq, eating some food, and he says 'This chicken doesn't look fully cooked, oh well, still rather tasty'. When suddenly the phone would ring and it's the government saying terrorists are going to attack the country within the next 12 hours and he'd say 'Uh oh'.

This is the youtube video that made me think about using the toilet and stuff. I think the root cause of this line of thought is that when I was at school, during my pre-teens, I got really scared that I'd shit myself in front of everyone during school assemblies. And that led to me getting addicted to codeine phosphate for 3 years.

Pain

My arms hurt because I've been training a lot and I think I have strained them. I went to Westway on Saturday and I climbed for a bit (1 hour) and then said to Nick (who was there) 'Ahh, Nick, my arms really hurt, I'm going to stop', to which he replied his ever present condescending tone 'Ok'. As I was preparing to leave I saw Adrian and had some banter with him about being addicted to crack cocaine and steroids. This was funny because I haven't tried neither and I doubt I ever will. We both laughed and I walked away happy. I then packed up my stuff and left via the main entrance.

I like to organise my time efficiently so I had other motives for going to London to climb: I was going to see Liam's band play in Camden. I have never seen his band (Lieutenant), but I felt that then (last Saturday) was the best time, since it was on the weekend and I could go climbing beforehand. Getting to the gig was most vexing since it was in Camden (as mentioned) and the tube always seems to be broken on the weekend. I thought to myself damn it why is it always broken on the weekend, when all the tourists use it? and then I thought Ahhhh of course Will, the money that tourism brings in is nothing compared to what banks and stuff do, so that's why! YES! I then kept on walking with a bemused look on my face when I figured out the truth. Finally, I reached Camden town station and marched over to the venue (the journey took longer than I thought because I got lost around the estates in Camden and went up the wrong roads. Fortunately, I didn't see any hoodlums with knives otherwise I would be writing this in a cybercafe in Coventry (If the hoodlums had tried to attack me, I would have defended myself using my brutal hand to hand combat skills which would have led to my would-be attackers dying from my violent onslaught and me having to go on the run for a while, until the law give up the chase)). I must add that this has never happened in all my 26 years thinking it might (touch wood, I don't want to go on the run). I always wondered how effective I would be in a fight. Once my friends and I were attacked by some chav kids in Wycombe, when I was 14. My survival instincts kicked in straight away and I ran off. Most of my friends weren't as fast as me so couldn't keep pace, if that was a live or die situation I would have survived. I'm slightly stronger now and have more knowledge about hand to hand combat. Hmm, maybe I should go around seeking duels with other people in order to get more experience about combat, like what (some) ronin did during the feudal era in Japan (1185-1868). Maybe I'd start in India or somewhere, where the population are small and malnourished. Then I could work my way up to more affluent countries. Not sure how I'd start the duel, perhaps I should advertise it on a lamp-post or something. Hmm. This definitely needs more thought.

I'm actually a bit tired of writing this now, in might summarise what happened after (when I got to the venue).

1. Got to the venue
2. Eat a bag of chips and went to the Jon's flat
3. Went back to the venue
4. Saw old friends like Jon, Tom, Liam, Brian, Rory, Alice, Alex, Neil, Alex, Kelly and Tom.
5. I parked my car at Westway and missed the last train so had to get a taxi back to it. Alex was annoyed but I was expecting to miss the last train and I liked the walked from where I left it to the station, I forgot about the whole 'getting back to the car' thing.
6. Got home at 2am. My ears were ringing from the music. That really annoyed me. Next time I'll bring ear plugs.

Amendment

I have found one survivor of the destruction of my MSN Spaces blog - my photos plus inane captions. I think you can see how my humour has changed over the years. From being really crap to just crap.

If the link doesn't work, can someone write it in the comments? I have no idea who I'm writing that too. I'm the only person who reads this thing.

https://skydrive.live.com/?sc=photos#sc=photos

End of the Road festival, it was fun, but why?

I have just returned from the annual music festival called End of the Road. It was the third time I went and it was a lot more busy. There were about 10,000 people there this year, compared to about 5,000 in the preceding years. A lot of really cool people were there too: one chap had really long hair on top of his head and shaved hair at the sides. Tot'num cool.

I have just remembered that I used to have a blog on MSN Spaces, but they closed it down (complaints). Turned out the backward thinking philistines at Word Press (who bought out MSN Spaces) couldn't transfer over my old blog to the new Word Press site*. Hmm, I'm not overly angry, just frustrated I guess. Ah but I do have an active blog on my old Myspace (stylised as My _____). I have just had a quick read of it. Hmm. Not particularly good, but it does detail my slightly inane life after leaving uni. Please. My MSN one was better. It had pictures and emotion. Though the Myspace one does go back to '06. And it details my early beginnings into the world of rock climbing.

The End of the Road festival didn't feel as good as last year - it was rather cold on the last night and I felt that the line up was a bit of a mash up. They finished with Joanna Newsom, who is one of my favourite harpists. It was a pity that it was so darn cold. Three Trapped Tigers didn't play either, which basically made last years festival for me. Boom ticky.

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I am currently at work, eating a lovely spaghetti bolognese. It tastes like spaghetti bolognese should taste, so that's good. I don't particularly like the branded chef ones like Lloyd Grossman's sauces. Hmm. I'm getting a bit bored now and running out of things to write about. Actually, I have run out of things to write about. I think I'm going to use italics and other fancy word processing tricks more often, I think it makes this blog thing look more pro'.


Here are a couple of links of interesting things to read/watch:

The Battle of Jacob's Ford - an interesting battle of a crusader army vs a massive muslim army commanded by none other than Saladin. People died.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Jacob%27s_Ford
Fail compilations are always fun to watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrYQpMeHmMY
Saw this chap live, he's good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duPxXtW4RKE
Thug life, street life, other peoples lives.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDoFyZ5uH8I

Ants in the bathroom

This morning my mum said to me 'I can't believe that there are ants in the bathroom'*. This struck me as an odd thing to say since there ARE ants in the bathroom and so she has hard evidence - belief shouldn't come into it. I said to her that I found it confusing how she struggles to believe that ants have colonised the bathroom, but has no problem in believing a spirit creature thing that: 1) built the world and existence 2) can hear everyones thoughts 3) makes people worship it (through threats of damnation), roams around us. Apparently quite a lot of people believe in this thing too, and they all meet up to reaffirm their delusion in big special purpose buildings. Each to their own I guess.

I can almost do a one armed chin up on both arms. I have been training on and off for a while, mostly just to get stronger at climbing.

General Petraeus has been appointed director of the CIA. I think if I got appointed one of my first questions would be 'Do aliens exists?'. I bet David is thinking that. Hmm, maybe it wouldn't be wise to ask straight away, maybe leave for a while until everyone likes you and you've made an impact on the social football scene. Then bust out the question. Otherwise, they might go 'Oh wait, he's only been here for 4 minutes and he's already asking about aliens, he's probably a weirdo'. So yes, probably best to leave it. Then again, I doubt that's at the top of Davids to-do list, but surely it must be close now that Bin Laden is dead.

I used to have a blog on Myspace, I'll put a link up one day.