Monday, 19 November 2012


I've decided to move my blog to Tumblr. It seems cooler and better. There's an iPhone app for it too. Hmm, I've just searched for a blogspot app, and there is one. Still, I think I'll stick with Tumblr, though as a negative point, it seems to be more 'social' and thus more people might read it. I don't think I'm happy with that.

Friday, 19 October 2012

New hobby

I've got a new hobby of writing reviews for various products on It's very cathartic. I mean in the sense of that it feels cleansing and rewarding, rather than the literal sense of 'purging of the bowels'.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012


I went climbing at the Westway last night and I messed up my finger. I mean in the sense that I've injured it, it's painful. I've taken Nurofen Plus to deal with the pain. That stuff is divine, ibuprofen and codeine, the powerful duo. Codeine is brilliant. It's like a proper drug, with cool effects. Not like ibuprofen, in which I struggle to even sense any effect, other than I feel less pain. I guess that's the point really. Codeine reminds me of morphine, it's a bit more of a full body experience, like a dulling of the senses. Morphine is a pretty good drug, best only used for medical situations though - don't want to end up like Goering and be all addicted. Well, he's dead anyway, he took cyanide during the Nuremberg Trials. Still, being addicted to morphine isn't good. I wonder if it would be worse than being addicted to heroin, after all, they're both opiates (so is codeine). It feels like morphine is a more middle class drug, rather than the Scottish poverty of heroin, shooting up in your soiled underwear in a squat. Trainspotting has done a lot to put me off heroin. I guess that's good. I might read up about the drugs tonight since I'm clearly lacking knowledge in the subject. I feel that I should add that I've only 'done' morphine a few times in my life due to various injuries, and not because I'm some sort of addict: dislocated arm, burning stomach with cooking oil, burst appendix.

So, I went climbing at Westway last night and buggered up my finger. I didn't warm up properly and started climbing hard things straight away, and it was really cold in the centre. There was a few students there, and generally I don't mind them (considering that I was one), but there was one student there who I actually hate. I don't think he knows that I hate him. He would know very quickly if, 1) I had more guts, 2) My imagination was reality, 3) Someone ran into the centre and shouted 'It's Mad Max time! Total anarchy!'. In that case, I would say to myself 'Finally', and then walk up to the guy (I don't know his name), and I'd kill him. Well, actually, I don't think I would. If he'd had annoyed me as soon as they ran in shouting, then I'd probably just hit him a few times then run off. I probably wouldn't even do that. He's really annoying because he makes weird noises, whistles a lot, wears annoying hippie clothes and has dreadlocks. Dickhead. I hate dreadlocks, they make someone look like a prat. Complete lifestyle choice. It's like the guy went off to Thailand on his gap year and thought 'Yeah, I f*cking love being chilled out and I want to make a statement about who I am, and because I'm a dick anyway, how about I dress like a native and get dreadlocks'. What's the point in them? And he's not even a good person, sure, he seems friendly enough, but at the same time, utterly annoying. I think the main reason why he annoys me is because he thinks he's really good at climbing (he isn't) and he whistled an annoying tune and chatted to his friend really loudly when I was trying to climb a hard problem. It put me off so I fell. I glared at him then walked off and then drove home via KFC. F*ck him.

But, every cloud has a silver lining and I did see a really pretty girl there. She was a little brunette girl who was wearing hot pants. I think she was French. She was there with a male companion and I couldn't work out whether he was her boyfriend or whether they were just friends. I was thinking about what to do - is it acceptable to walk up to him and say 'Hello, is that girl your girlfriend?', if he says no, then I can ask her to get a coffee and if he says yes, then there would be a weird awkward moment. What was I meant to do? Why don't schools teach their students about social interactions? I just kept starring at her, the couple weren't really climbing together that much, he would do his own thing and the girl would wander off and climb. Argh, it was annoying, all I could think of was ahh she's really cute, is she going out with that guy? Is she single? What can I do? She's really pre... Oh f*ck off annoying hippie dickhead, your dreadlocks look f*cking dumb, you chump.

Sometimes I wish life was easier, but then I see an advert for an Oxfam appeal and I just think ah shit.

Monday, 15 October 2012


I watched a film last night that I thought was pretty good, it's called The Notebook, it stars Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. It got a bit sad towards the end, with the old people having dementia and dying. I watched it with Kat and she thought that I was crying. While it's true that I was a bit depressed, I didn't cry as in tears and a runny nose. It was just quite emotional at the end.

I had a fun weekend. I went to London for Weatherly's birthday and saw a few of my friends - Jon, Ben, Jon, Kelly, Hollie, Alice, James, Tom. I guess I could name a few more people but it would end up as a long list. I really like seeing my London friends. I didn't take any photos because I lent my camera to Nick. Though, it's quite an expensive camera so I'm not sure if a busy pub would be a suitable place for it. The night out was quite a contrast to the previous weekend, we went to a cool pub in town, then found a late closing pub/club thing called The Lexington. It was really good because it was full of nice people, just regular 'hip' people, not chavs. At Revs, men walk around like stags, wearing t shirts or buttoned up shirts and act like chumps and the women wear slutty outfits and dyed blonde hair with fake tans. I guess the clientele at The Lexington were more for the indie side of the musical spectrum. Hmm. I just mean that Revs is chavvy and the bars which we go to in London aren't. I guess it's people who go to festivals like like End of the Road vs V Festival. HAHAHAHA, I've just watched a really funny video on YouTube.

I saw a pretty girl on the train, but it was quite busy and I didn't know what to do. I just kind of starred at her every so often. We got off the same station, so I guess I could have walked up to her and said 'Hey'.

Kat thinks I should get back on My Single Friend again because she thinks I'm handsome and that I need to set out to find a lady. My past experience with MSF was pretty awkward, but I guess that's because I took the girls to climbing centres and that in itself made the date awkward because I got frustrated when they failed to climb with any skill. Actually, I get annoyed with complete strangers when I go climbing, because I've reached a level where I'm quite good and if I see someone climb really badly, I just think what a tool, maybe climbing isn't the right sport for you. I drink coffee now, so I guess I can take girls to coffee places. I can finally say 'Hey, let's get coffee!' without the awkwardness of turning up and just drinking a bottle of orange, which is completely unacceptable in a coffeehouse - previously I'd turn up and meet the girl and she'd asks what I normally have, I'd reply 'Oh just a bottle of orange juice, smooth please, I dislike the 'juicy bits'' and she'd reply 'Orange juice? What the fuck. Why the fuck would you take me to a coffeehouse when you don't even drink coffee? You tit', 'Oh sorry, I just couldn't think of anywhere else to take you, sorry', 'Forget it, I'm off, you're obviously a fucking idiot'. Umm, that's never happened to me, mainly because of my obsession with taking dates to climbing centres and also that imagined conversation.

I think I will get back on MSF because I've just had a look at some of the girls on it, and they're rather attractive.

Also, I'm happy because I can now close a Captain of Crush Gripper No. 1. It's not something I've specifically trained, but now using it to train my pinch grip! Wooo. Apparently, it takes 63 kg of force to close it. That's almost my body weight (I weigh 11 stone). Thug life!

Monday, 8 October 2012

Forgetting things

I have no memory of my dream last night. I know that I dreamed because when I woke up, I remembered vague things, but now I can't recall anything. It was either incredibly dull, so my brain didn't bothered remembering it, or, that it was so intensely horrific that I'm now suffering from dissociative amnesia. Hmm. I'm happy that I don't speak my thoughts, every so often I look at the tv at work and at the moment, there's a cookery show on. The chef is a particularly attractive lady and I can't help but think things like 'Oohh she can lick my sauce' and 'I'd like to rub her with salted butter and beef dripping'. She was pretty. I don't know her name but she's half Italian and Welsh. Hmm, I can't figure out whether I find Nicki Minaj attractive, I guess she is, but then she looks a bit weird. I'm going to err on the side of caution and say yes, yes she is attractive. So, if I met her at a party and she started dancing while looking at me, I'd think hmm, well that's odd, I guess she's pretty, but does she expect me to start dancing with her? Oh God, I hope not. Oh Christ, this is awkward, she's looking right at me. What do I do? Errr, try smiling awkwardly, this is not enjoyable, oh shit, she's dancing towards me now, ok make your mind up - attractive or not, ahhh yeah I guess so. Then, if she asked me for my number (I'd have to ask her to text me rather than call me), I'd probably say that it would be best to get in contact via email. If she was particularly forward and wanted to come home with me, I'd have to reply 'Well, the thing is, I live quite far away so I guess your place would be better, but would you want to wait a while because I'm enjoying just standing around here and I'm not entirely sure if I like your company to be honest'. I guess this is why I'm not renowned for being a ladies man.

Friday, 28 September 2012

Training and improving

This video is crazy. Nacho (that is his name) is a pocket Hercules. I've been training a fair bit in the last 3 months but I don't feel I've improved at climbing other than regain some strength that I lost from not training and climbing for a while. I've decided to focus on finger strength, particularly on how I grip holds out on real rock - it's all about the closed hand half crimp grip. If you can get strong enough to hang one handed with that, then you're in good stead to crush some hard problems. At the moment, I'm not adding any extra weight to myself like Nacho, just either pinching the door frames or a rope. I'm doing a lot of arm/shoulder work in the form of one armed chin ups and reverse arm curls. I do front lever and leg raises for my core. This is really boring and I don't know why I'm writing it. I think I decided to write it because I'm bored and I don't have anything else to write about. I guess I can write about the time I saw the skin on my stomach (abdomen) hanging off. I was frying an egg and I (naively) let my sister fill the frying pan with oil. She put a lot in there, and it was more like deep frying than shallow frying. I even queried this with her, but her reply was along the lines of 'Quit being a bitch'. Hmm. I guess at the time I thought hmm, well I'm guess you're right, I am being overly cautious. I continued frying and the inevitable happened. Armed men burst in the kitchen and I had to defend myself. I flung the frying pan at them, sending boiling oil straight into their faces. AAAAHHHH!! They screamed and opened fire. I dived behind my sister, who bravely caught the bullets and fell to the ground dead. I rolled her corpse off me and leaped towards the first assassin (I assume they were assassins), he fired wildly, hoping he'd get me with a stray bullet. He didn't. Whilst leaping, I grabbed a pen from the table, and stabbed it into his eye, killing him. Ok, I'm stopping this now, this have got weird and I have got all carried away. Alas, armed men didn't burst into my kitchen on a Sunday morning. What actually happened was that I continued frying, and flipped over the egg and at that moment the clown from IT burst into the kitchen and tried to rape me. Damn it. Now I have the clown from IT in my mind, and I fucking hate that thing. I hate clowns. I think I hate clowns because of that film. EEWAAHH fuck that noise.

I'm going to keep writing about my frying anecdote because I want to stop thinking about clowns and in particular, clown rape. That would be horrible. So, I was frying this egg and then I flipped it over. Due to the abundance of oil, some splashed on my hand which was holding the handle. I screamed (something like AAAGGHHH!!), and annoyingly my reflex action made me smash my injured hand into the frying pan, which flipped over onto me. All the oil went straight down my belly. AAAAGGGHHHH!! Yeah, that hurt. It's hard to describe pain, but suffice to say, boiling oil on ones belly is painful. It's probably the single most painful thing I've experienced. I remember just standing there in agony and my sister grabbed my hurt hand and put it under the tap, she did not know that I had hurt my stomach. With my other hand I lifted up my t shirt. This is horrible to write, but a large part of my stomach was red raw, I looked down at where the burn had stopped and saw the hanging skin. The oil had sheared off my skin and it was hanging down. I rushed up the stairs and saw my mum, and stood in front her. She shouted 'SHIT!', or something along those lines and made me stand in the shower and sprayed cold water over the burn. I was in utter shock and in a lot of agony. We put cling film and frozen peas on the burn and then, rather than call an ambulance, my mum drove me to hospital herself. In hospital, they gave me morphine and I just kept asking for more. When I started losing consciousness they realised that I had had too much.  I was ok though. Morphine is pretty amazing, I understand now why people get addicted to it. I've got quite used to pain since then.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012


There's a board game called Pucket which is really fun. Jez and I played it a lot at the End of the Road festival, it's a bit hard to describe, but it's a wooden board with two strings of elastics on either side and you're meant to flick a puck through a gate in the middle of the board. Christ, it's mentally taxing trying to describe it so I'm going to give up. I've lost track on what I was going to talk about. Pucket is really fun, I recommend to anyone reading this that they check it out on youtube. Since no one goes on my blog except myself and Russian porn websites (bizarrely), I'm not really helping the company that make Pucket. Oh well, small things. End of the Road! Yes, I went there a few weeks ago. It was amazing fun. This year I went with: Jez, Katie, Ben, Ali, Jon and Jon. It was probably the best year, probably because of discovering Pucket. I had seen it at the previous years but never played because we were always in a massive gang and this year, Jez and me wandered around a lot, together. Not in a gay way. This year was a mix of emotions when it came to love, because Lady Rotisserie wasn't there, but she was replaced by Mademoiselle Crepe. Oh my, she was essentially perfect. It was basically love at first sight. Well, not really first sight, I saw her making the crepes and thought oh she's quite pretty. Then she made me a crepe (not for free, £3.50) and after taking the first bite, I remember looking up at her and thinking oh wow, you're amazing. That's when I fell in love. After 3 more crepes (spread over a day and an half), I mustered up the courage to speak to her, but due to my social awkwardness/dyslexia/shyness whatever, all I could think of was to say 'Where are you from?'. She replied 'I'm from Brittany'. My first thought was Bollocks, abort Will. But I persevered, however, my speaking part of my brain didn't - struggling to think of any miniscule thing I knew about Brittany, I failed and said 'Thaaaa thhhaaaat's a nice place'. Shit, well that's fucked, good one, well at least you tried. Still wanting to fight this because the loss of Lady Rotiserrie was still in my thoughts, I said 'I want to learn French'. She was still smiling whilst making my crepe but I think that was more due to politeness, she was probably thinking this guy is actually mental, sacrebleu, celine dion blah blah un deux trois. My grasp of French is rather weak. While I was taught it at school, I wasn't the most studious of pupils and spent most of the time just chatting to my mate about shit. Not literally shit, as in defecation, but just random stuff. Our teacher was a weak willed replacement teacher who could not control us. In fact, I think we drove her to have a mental breakdown. Anyway, back to my End of the Road romance, after saying that I wanted to learn French, I said 'Ok, can I order in French? I'm actually in love with you'. Oh yes, I remember! I hadn't even ordered my crepe by this point, she was making one for someone else! She replied 'Ah oui!'. I replied 'Great', my brain quickly popped up Will, what the fuck, you haven't given me time to prepare, you haven't spoken French in 5 years, oh shit you're saying it Bonjour, je voudrais un crepe sil vous plait', she replied asking what I want on it - I wanted butter and sugar, two words which I don't know in French... She helped me out with that. She then handed it to me and said 'Bon appetite!'. I replied 'Merci, I love you, au revoir!'. I walked off thinking ok, well that went as well as could be expected - you have a crepe and you can speak basic French, well done. Then I walked over to the guys and told them of my success, I spent the rest of the time in the eating area just looking wishfully over at the crepe girl. Which in hindsight, could be seen as creepy.

This is Pucket, it's really fun.

Here are a few nice songs - Corvette Cassette by Slow Magic

A Shell in the Pit, this guy is pretty good too.

I've been re-listening to Forest Swords lately, the EP Dagger Paths is amazing.

 This is funny.