More junk mail

For some reason I keep on getting emails from women in Eastern European countries, who are trying to form an intimate relationship with me. I don't reply to the emails since I was always told (by various people), not to reply to junk messages because then 'they'll know you have an active email address and so attack with vigour!'. I don't know why I put that in quotations, it was ages ago that 'they' warned me about junk mail and I have long forgotten the exact words they said.

Good day, my name is Milana I live in Azerbaijan.

I'm kind, caring and interesting girl. I'm very lonely in my life. I want to find good man to spend all my life. You can see my photo with this message.  If you free and don't have relations with other woman and you also lonely then send me the message. I hope you will like my appearance and I will get the answer from you. Then I would tell you more about me and will learn more about you. Please write to me at my private e_mail: mstodich@yahoo.com

I'm looking forward to your letter. 

Milana

A lack of grammar seems to be a recurring theme with these emails, but I guess I'm being far too judgmental since I only know English, let alone French or German (which were taught at school). I used to know quite a bit of French (never fluent though), but it's been a while since I've had to use the language properly. It must have been hard for Milana to learn to English, considering the educational facilities in Azerbaijan, which I assume aren't something OFSTED would consider 'great'. But she did write a fairly understandable email and for that I commend her. She also did attach her photo (unlike the other girl) so she has proven herself to be an effective computer user. Milana is definitely better than the last girl.

Junk messages

Sometimes, I get interesting junk messages, this one is particularly good -

Hey my friend. It was nice to see your profile on dating site. I'm 28 years young woman, sporty, slim and family orrinted woman, looking for serious man for family creation. If you are interested in serious relationship, feel free to e-mail me at: angellonely@ymail.com

I will wait for your answer. 

Here is my foto in attachment, hope you will like it Have a good day! Hopefully, your nice friend!

What a charming lady, I particularly like how she used the words 'family creation' - romance is not lost on this young lady (28 years young). Though I was disappointed that she didn't actually attach any 'fotos', which she said that she did. Well, this is certainly a knock to our relationship - she wants to create a family, yet can't even attach a photograph to an email. What hope does she have for raising a child? Or perhaps she expects that I look after the child, whilst she goes about her day, shopping or doing hobbies. Though, even those tasks require a modicum of intelligence. I first thought that perhaps English was not her first language, due to the numerous grammatical errors in her email. But I now think that she might just be really dumb. Hmm, can people with severe intellectual disabilities operate computers? Maybe she had help, in which case, her helper was also retarded since he allowed the aforementioned grammatical errors to be uncorrected. Either way, it's shoddy work and she will be waiting a long time for my reply.

Things

I'm not really keen on writing blogs to showcase what I've been doing lately or write about any achievements - i.e. see Jon Partridge's cringey blog... I generally write when I have something interesting to write about. I did have something interesting to write about, but I have literally just forgotten it. I thought about it in my head, haha yeah Will, that's pretty funny, you should write about that in your blog, your blog is becoming a great way to show off your brutally good wit and stuff and bla bla bla I'm really thirsty now so I think I'm going to get some water. The bit at the end actually happened, I'm sitting at my desk with a cup of water. I sometimes find it hard to focus and my mind wanders a lot. So anyway, I forgot what to write about. I think in future, as soon as I think of something to write I just need to quickly write it down and then I have something to jog my memory.

I think this whole short term memory/attention span problem is a recurring theme.

I have re-read a few of my previous entries and I'm shocked by the number of spelling and grammatical mistakes I make. I think it's due to my stream of consciousness style of writing. And maybe also my dyslexia. Nick doesn't believe I have dyslexia - 'You're not a retard Will, you can read, write and spell'. He just thinks my mother was a hypochondriac and put this condition upon me. Hmm, that doesn't really explain all the tests I had when I was a child that showed that I did have mild dyslexia. And also, while I am a very good reader and writer, you get me dictating and I'm fucked. Hmm, actually I guess I'm not that bad.

I got a bit side tracked and started reading about dyslexia on Wikipedia, and then onto intelligence and IQ. It seems I that I could have applied to join Mensa when I was 9. I don't think I really knew anything about Mensa at that age, and maybe my parent's just weren't bothered (they probably didn't let me join the club order to prevent my siblings from getting jealous). When I was 9 I had an IQ test (I had a lot of tests when I was young, along with my brother (who also has dyslexia)) and I scored 136 using the Stanford-Binet test, which works out at 154 on the Cattell test (Ones IQ number varies depending on the test) - Mensa has a minimum entry of 148 for the Cattell test (130 for Stanford-Binet, I have just read). Hmm actually I did think about joining Mensa when I was at uni, but couldn't really be bothered because of the hassle of taking another test and all the paperwork. And at that point in my life, I used to have panic attacks during exams.

And also, I'm not overly sure what happens when you join Mensa. Maybe you get preferential treatment during an apocalypse (like being allowed into a governmental retreat or something), or you have monthly get togethers where you chat about clever things. I think I would be rubbish at those kind of events. If someone said to me 'Greetings Will, my name is Marcus, what's the square root of 20124?', I'd really struggle. Actually, I wouldn't just struggle, I'd reply 'Fuck knows, I'm shit at maths'. And then it get all awkward and people there would start muttering about who let me in. Hmm, I don't think I'd openly swear that at the chap, my innate politeness and anti-confrontational attitude wouldn't allow that to happen. However, if they asked me some general knowledge questions like where did Napoleon die?* Or what was the primary armament of the P-51 Mustang?*, then I'd probably do reasonably well. I would probably get bored quite quickly and also get tired, unless there was a chair. A good spread would be a plus too. I used to be a factual bookworm when I was younger, I had loads of books like factfinders and encyclopedias. Never in a weird, geeky way, like sitting in the library reading, I just used to enjoy reading about facts when I was home from school. This is probably why I FUCKING LOVE WIKIPEDIA.

If anyone reading this ever sees me in real life, please ask me a general knowledge question - I really enjoy talking about facts and stuff.

* Napoleon died on the island of Saint Helena, in exile after losing the Battle of Waterloo in 1815.
* The main armament of the Mustang were 6 M2 heavy machine guns, which fired the 12.7x99mm bullet. It was a good plane until the jet age rendered it obsolete.

America

I've taken quite a few photos of Hueco and the local desert - it's a cool place. I have edited the hell out of the photos using Lightroom, so much so that I doubt the word 'photo' really applies to them - maybe 'pictures' is more appropriate.

You should really listen to Cortez the Killer by Neil Young before looking at the photos:

Eating is a great way of passing the time

I'm in America and as such trying to eat a lot of American food. The variety of food here is mental. There's so many different franchises. In England, it's about the big three: KFC, Burger King and McDonalds. Here, it's more about the big 48. Mental. I've been having some weird dreams here too. Last night I dreamt that I was caught up in a zombie uprising. Hmm. Not really an uprising, since that denotes that the zombies were originally second class citizens who had finally had enough of being down trodden by regular humans and had finally rebelled. I guess a more accurate word would be 'zombie apocalypse'... Set in a school. In the dream I was wondering around the school (I was a pupil there so my presence was perfectly legit). I was in a first floor room (with a adult man (again, perfectly legit, he didn't have any sexual intentions towards me)). I looked out of the window at the various class rooms, which had small children in them, then I saw a load of zombies running loose and breaking into the class rooms and going mental. They started eating and attacking the children. My first thought was 'SHIT!'. I started having panicking (perfectly justifiable, given the situation). I was running around thinking 'I need a fucking weapon, what the fuck am I going to do? Shit, I'm fuck. Ahh fuck'. After trying to formulate a plan, I looked out of the window and I saw that the zombies had finally seen me having a panic attack and so had made a concerted effort to eat and kill me. My advantage was that I was on a first floor room, so it was really hard to get too (weirdly, I noticed that there were no stairs or anything nearby, in hindsight I did wonder how I got up there in the first place, but due to more pressing matters, I didn't really take it on board). The zombies were trying desperately to climb up and kill me but it was in vain. Then the other man in the room with me decided to become a hero and jumped out of the window to kill zombies. He swiftly died. By this time in the dream, I was becoming aware that I was dreaming, but not aware enough to actually control it. Somehow the zombies had figured out how to pull the floor down (this is where the dream got really weird, because the floor of the room became like felt and was getting pulled away by the zombies, I was holding onto the sides and the rafters, and all the zombies were trying to jump up and grab me). When the floor turned to felt and was getting pulled away, I finally had enough. I shouted 'Ah fuck this' and got frustrated and annoyed so I made myself wake up.

Dreams are weird yet really fun.

Bored

What I am doing right now:

Listening to an album by Walls called Coracle
Watching a Youtube video of American people at shooting ranges
Googling 'contemporary' because I wasn't confident that I could spell it correctly

I'm quite bored.

My Hueco trip is getting closer and my training is still plodding along nicely. I don't feel particularly strong. I guess I feel stronger than when I was 13. I guess that's mainly because when I was 13, I was suffering from a severe case of appendicitis. I almost died. I was at school and started throwing up everywhere. Then I went home (got a lift) and the doctor came round and said 'Oh right, well I dunno what's up'. Then went to hospital and they cut my abdomen open and threw my septic appendix at a bin (I actually wanted to keep it, but I was told that I couldn't because 'it was all dissolved and most of it is floating around your body, hence the near death experience'). I've forgotten why I started writing this, I guess I wanted to talk about dying. I wasn't really aware that I could have died since I have a huge amount of faith in modern medicine (hence why when my dad had a heart attack and was rushed to hospital, I was almost indifferent) and also when I was 13, I had a very nonchalant outlook on life.

When I go to Hueco, I really want to go to a shooting range. That's a big plus point about going to America. I'm interested in firing at someones feet (probably Jon's) and forcing him to dance around (like in Back to the Future III). Hmm, I doubt the owners of the range would allow that though. Probably a big risk of a ricochet or perhaps young kids will see me do it and so try to emulate it at home, even though they lack the required hand eye co-ordination which I have in abundance.

Music

I like listening to music and also finding new music. It's almost a hobby. I guess I enjoy listening to music so much due to my exceptional (and bordering on superhuman) sense of hearing. I can probably hear parts of the song that only dogs can hear ( I did try and make my old dog (dead) listen to some music using headphones but it was a disaster (deaf)). I jest, she didn't go deaf straight away but she did display absolutely no interest in the music. She did later become deaf and then died. No idea what killed her, but we found her dead on the sofa in the morning and I had to dig a hole for her. It was really cold and the ground in the garden was hard, but fortunately I was working as a hod carrier at the time so I was deceptively strong and had a high endurance for physical labour. I dug a little hole for her, then wrapped her up in her favourite (her only) towel, struggling somewhat to contain the huge amount of crap that had dribbled out of her due to her now non-functional anal sphincter muscles. A bit dribbled onto the carpet. I then walked outside and tried to delicately plonk her into the grave. This is where I realised that when I dug her grave, I choose the proportions based on her sleeping naturally, all curled up. She probably did sleep like that on the night she died, but by the morning, the effects of rigor mortis had kicked in and now she was all stretched out. I had to carefully 'bend' her to fit into the ill fitting grave, so she took on a U shape. I then had to 'force' her legs to fit further into the grave, Megan had some surprising strength even in death! Suffice to say, she did eventually 'fit'. I then refilled the grave and ate breakfast and then went to work. I'm not exactly sure why I just wrote that.

Here is some music I have been listening too:
Delicate Steve
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N26gNghLDpU&feature=related
Reflecting Skin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6zdj5nazkQ
Three Trapped Tigers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZublJ5TLb8Y
Frank Fairfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz70zSfVcdY
Washed Out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fYnfE5Cycg
War on Drugs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMToQg0vSds
Russian Circles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2-hJtJrXxc
Adebisi Shank
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXxhKMmJLtk
Minus Baby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R9Vh9BD7ro&feature=related
Emeralds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDw6tUiTfkE
Dels
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjAnmqecMKI